When I Was Paranoid

During my late teens and early twenties I suffered with paranoia a great deal and always felt like I was in imminent danger and running away from something or someone. I would ruminate on these thoughts for prolonged spells and in giving over my focus and energy they would expand into much larger and complex fear based conspiracies. These would be wide ranging from feeling like I was constantly being watched by a satellite to feeling that there was some kind of government plot against me.


It was a really frightening experience and my existence was hellish in terms of the world I had created in my mind and transposed over existential reality. The sole agent which drove this mental illness was fear! I have written this verse below having gladly overcome such an intangible but potentially fatal illness in the hope that it may help others understand people who suffer with paranoia or indeed give light to any one suffering some kind of fear based paralysis now.

praise god

I have surrendered completely all of my worldly fears and have realised my eternal soul and purpose. My only fear here forward, is a respectful one, like that of a child not wishing to do wrong by their parent/guardian. I do not wish to be involved with anything which leads me off the righteous path of truthful living. When you face the sun your shadow always fall behind you, in the same way, when I concentrate on Waheguru who is without fear or enmity, then all of my fears depart. It is under the grace of God and a reciprocated belief in something greater than ourselves that we truly flourish and become the essence of who we serve. 



Verse by Bal (Humbly Yours)

Fear is an agent,

Constantly knocking at your door,

“Can I come in?” its asks,


That you go back downstairs,

It’s power is governed,

By your wilful direction,

Where you point your mind

and apply it’s attention,

Pointing to the highest power,


It can only fall behind,

The question that I ask today is,

What fear did you find?

Time of death?

Breaths left?

Who next?

Will I win?

Will I lose?

The news?

Death rates,

Financial gloom,

Keep it all downstairs,

Don’t open the door,

Don’t feed it,

You can be more,

Stay up here,

Let your mind explore,

Seek the clear picture,

Your thoughts are pure,

In the window you will find light,

Enjoy the view,

Be liberated,

We were given life as a gift,

Don’t let fear take your honour,

There is great good in all,

Live again,

Never fall,

Stay upstairs,



Welcome to the 10th floor,

ਡਡਾ ਡਰ ਉਪਜੇ ਡਰੁ ਜਾਈ ॥ ਤਾ ਡਰ ਮਹਿ ਡਰੁ ਰਹਿਆ ਸਮਾਈ ॥ ਜਉ ਡਰ ਡਰੈ ਤ ਫਿਰਿ ਡਰੁ ਲਾਗੈ ॥ ਨਿਡਰ ਹੂਆ ਡਰੁ ਉਰ ਹੋਇ ਭਾਗੈ ॥੧੯॥: DADDA (a letter of the Gurmukhi alphabet):

When the Fear (of the One) wells up, (worldly) fears depart. (Worldly) fears are absorbed into that Fear. When (anyone) rejects the Fear (of the One), then (worldly) fears again cling to (him). (But, by keeping the Fear of the One in his mind, if he) becomes fearless, then fears (of his mind) run away. ||19|| (sggs 341)


Featured image by Ella Beckley

Block quote from Gurbani.org

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